Monday, August 13, 2012

Saying Yes

It’s been quite a summer. A summer in which we finally found our house and got all the paperwork together for NGO status and met a bunch of super cool people and grew as a program. A summer with a lot of hard and a lot of anger and a lot of fear. These last three months have not been an easy road to walk but they were necessary for me to really and truly be able to say yes to this life. To say yes with certainty and with a little less naivety then before.

I’m finally ready to say yes.

I’m saying yes to hard. And maybe I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. I knew I was saying yes to bug bites and the power going off and weird illnesses and babies dying and people in desperate situations. But I didn’t know I was saying yes to people not liking me and drama I thought I left behind in middle school and slander and malice and pride and wondering every day whether I am responding in a godly way or joining the mess. Wondering where the line is between gossip and speaking truth and how I know when I’ve crossed it.

And I’m left terrified because I honestly don’t know if I have it in me. Because the more time I spend here the more I realize how much I don’t know.

I’m saying yes to uncertainty. I’m saying yes to I don’t know. I’m saying yes to saying goodbye to my family and my friends and my comfortable life. I’m saying yes to unplanned futures and service and feeling unqualified every single day. Maybe I’m saying yes to failure…. And hard that is too hard.

But I’m saying yes. To a wild journey with God because I want to see Him work miracles and I want to see families stay with their children.

So here’s to a wild year. A year where I believe we will raise $115,000 and finish school and pack our things and say our goodbyes and move to Uganda.

A crazy filled year.

Bring it on. 

1 comment:

  1. Amen sista. God so honors our steps of faith. I love how a Pastor of mine put it...In a sense, there is no such thing as 'blind faith.' It's because we KNOW that God works all things together for the good for those who love Him. So while we may not know the specific outcome, and things may not go as planned, or may even fail, we can know that God is using it for an even greater purpose. I just think of all the missionary stories throughout history. NONE of them always experienced success. They each failed, miserably, sometimes countless times. Yet, we remember them not for their failures, but for their perseverance, and how God broke through and used them in ways beyond their imagination.

    I do want to say, Megan, that you have succeeded. Yes, there have been bumps, huge bumps along the way, BUT look where you are. Few 21 year-olds are at this state of ministry, heck even this stage of maturity, selflessness, and full reliance on God. You are a girl to look up to. I love how you end this blog: "Bring it on." You are equipped with the spiritual armor of God, and through Him, you will be able to make it through any hurtle that comes your way.
    MUCH love, Barbara