Some Days...

I dreamed about my babies last night. I dreamed about holding these twin boys I fell in love with, hearing them talk, and meeting their adoptive parents.

I woke up to new pictures of Esther. She is walking, or about to. I forgot about her Birthday. It was on Monday. I had two tests that day and spent the entire day in a state of constant stress... maybe I subconsciously knew?

I got an e-mail from Kelsey about watching a baby die from malaria because her grandmother couldn't afford treatment.

Some days it is really hard to follow God's calling. Some days I want to just

drop it all and run the other way... run back to Africa. Some days I just don't understand. Some days it just hurts too much.

But I won't. I will stay here because I know this is where God wants me. It is not about me, where I want to be or who I want to be with. It's not even about Esther or the babies dying of malaria or the twins... it's about Jesus and where he wants to direct my steps.

"Thou the vision tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."

Habakkuk 2:3